Reason No 13: Fish will breed in your bathroom

Not literally, no.  But they could!

It’s my birthday, and in celebration, I make The Girl and me banana coconut pancakes and coffee.  But just as we’re licking our fingers – I remember that I left the tap in the bathroom running over our old fashioned twin tub washing machine.  Quite some time ago.

‘Oh crap!’ I yell, and rush into the bathroom to turn it off, and just as I get to the twin tub, my feet whoosh out from under me and I land on my bum in the flood with a black eye.

At this point, my bathroom looks like Lake Geneva ( if Lake Geneva has black and white marble tiles on the bottom – well you never know I guess). This is the perfect moment to discover – as I do – that the floor drain is not working.  At least, I already know that things come UP the drain (toilet stuff, for instance) but I now also know that things don’t go down it (water, for instance).  Instead, they just swirl around looking pretty.

Finally I get a bucket and bail out the bathroom, just like I’m in a leaky boat in the ocean with sharks all around.  Except without ocean, boat or sharks.

Outside – and I don’t know if this has anything to do with it – it’s raining solidly.  Oh well, I tell myself, look on the bright side, all that water I wasted will be replaced straight away by all this rain!  But THEN I go look at the tank and find that The Man has left the pipe off the top of the tank, so the rain’s just falling on the plain, instead.  Hallelulah, even The Man can do dumb stuff (note – he says it wasn’t him).  I put the pipe back on, feeling superior, anyway.

If all of this inspires you,too, to make banana coconut pancakes (obviously they taste better if you don’t flood the bathroom), here’s how.

  • Take one or two old bananas, a spoonful of sugar, some flour, and some milk.  Doesn’t matter what sort (of anything).  Be a devil – do what you damn well want.
  • Mix them up with a spoon until they feel like pancake mix from the shop.
  • Spoon them into a hot oily (or buttery) frying pan and fry them until they look edible.  Personally I like them a bit burnt, but follow your heart.
  • Yum!

This and other recipes will be (eventually) featured in my upcoming book, Making Stuff to Eat for People Who are Lazy and Hate Cooking.  And this, by the way, is Lake Geneva? See the similarities?




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