Reason No 12: Your cat will be menaced by a prehistoric monster

There are a lot of great things about moving to Jurassic Park.  High rainfall (don’t have to worry about the tank running dry), rich soil (what with all those triceratops droppings), and gorgeous scenery.

Just one problem – it may not be completely safe for your pets.

I’m thinking of making a movie, along the lines of Alien Vs Predator, or Batman Vs Superman.  It’ll be called ‘Small Elderly Grey Cat Vs Small Dinosaur’.  Here is the cat:


Up top is the dinosaur, a scarily robust goanna named Voldemort.


Today, while reading a book (re-reading The Northern Lights, actually), I glanced out my front window and saw this thing just outside, on my front patio.  There’s something about Voldemort that’s very ‘ancient evil’- you can almost hear the voice over.  ‘And so the Great Lizard – unleashed from the pit by a dark power – moved slowly, but with immense power, towards the captive maiden.  He swayed his narrow head menacingly from side to side, flexing cruel metallic talons, while she struggled in vain to escape… ‘.

Luckily for the cat, you can hear him coming a mile away.  I throw a shoe in his direction, and he gives me a contemptuous glance and eases himself up over the garden wall to lie sunbathing under the apple tree.  He’s just a big lizard, really.  I decide to rename him William.

Still, I’m hoping that William and Grey don’t meet.  I’m hoping that William is not so much a ‘creeping up and chomping you while sleeping’ sort of predator, as a ‘coming across something dead and stinky and eating it’ kind.  Although…


According to the guy who snapped this photo, this is ‘Australian nature striking back against the feral’.  I’m looking forward to his next pic of a crocodile eating someone, accompanied by the same caption (seeing as, well, we’re all feral here, aren’t we?).


4 thoughts on “Reason No 12: Your cat will be menaced by a prehistoric monster

  1. One of these saw off Tom’s big dog Tully. As in, took Tully’s dead ‘roo away and dared her to do anything about it. So tell the cat to mind its manners – more Voldemort than William.


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