Reason No 5: You will catch Religion.

Trump will be President, apparently – and I am truly thankful to God!

Not for Trump being President, as it happens.

No, I’m truly thankful to god or whatever universal power is or isn’t out there for bringing my best beloved back to me, when he wandered off in the middle of the night and couldn’t be found.  My best beloved, blind, deaf and altogether dear old friend Coffee, who found a gap in the fence and made what was almost his very last Houdini-like escape attempt.


Sometimes I really HATE nature.  Here I am, surrounded by the music of a thousand birds, the lustrous green of ancient forests and the silver of clear running water over the rocks, and all I can think is – nature, I hate you, where have you hidden my darling?  So many acres to tramp through, calling his name.  So many possibilities – swept away and drowned, fallen from rocks, bitten by serpents.  I call and call but the birds won’t shut the fuck up and I can’t hear him.  I wish they’d all drop dead!  I wish I could drop a Vietnam-worthy ton of Agent Orange so I could see his little brown and white furriness among the endless trees.  I wish I’d made that fence impregnable (ah, Trumpy boy, you see we have something in common besides a love of cats!).

2016-11-20-08-02-05God, I say in despair, if you give me back my Coffee, I will pray to you every single day.  I promise.  I know you probably don’t do bargains like this, even if you exist – but I’m desperate.  And he does!  I’m sitting in tears at the edge of a gully, at the end of my tether, and I hear something moving around down there in the deep foliage, and it’s him, it’s him!  Muddy, starving, dazed – but alive!  It’s been two days and for the second time since I’ve moved here, I find myself carrying him home in my arms.  God must be thinking, she’d bloody well better look after him this time!  I will, I will, God.

2016-10-12-17-26-03So whoever you are, wherever you are, thank you for returning my best beloved, my dearest friend!  The thing is, whatever I think of religion in general – I keep my promises.


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